Monday, 18 November 2013

It's been awhile...

Hello. Sorry that it has been awhile since I have written anything here. I have been busy. But that is done with now, so I can focus on my challenge.

So my weekend observation turned into a week observation. I still haven't had a day without yelling. I went a half a day. Little steps...

My observations:
- When I am tired, due to disturbed sleep, my patience level is low. Which causes yelling.
- When my kids are tired, due to disturbed sleep, they are cranky. Which causes them to cry and whine about everything. Which cause my patience level to become low. Which causes yelling to be heard over the crying and whining.
- When I am busy with something, they want to help. This usually ends with them causing more work then needed, which causes myself to be frustrated. Yelling usually come with those situations.
- The more times I have to say something, the louder my voice becomes with it.

I have been very aware of my voice when talking to the kids. I have caught myself a few times to lower the volume of my voice. Now that I am done with one of my commitments, I have the time and patience to focus more of this challenge.

Friday, 8 November 2013

New Challenge- My 12 steps.

On the website, she had posted a 12 step to stop yelling at your kids. Resource is from this website:

Step 1- Acknowledge that you need to change.
  • I know that I need to change. When I see my daughters yelling at each other, the same way I yell at them, it's not a good feeling. Seeing all my kids loosing their patience, and doing the same things as me, it's scary looking into the mini mirror. I need to change. I need to make sure that I set a better example for my children.
Step 2- Set a goal
  • My first goal is going to be a day without yelling or "freaking out" at them. I think it is a big challenge to take the first step.
  • My second goal will be to go a week.
  • My third goal- a month.
  • My fourth goal- 3 months
  • My fifth goal- 6 months
  • My final goal- a year.
Step 3- Share your goals to create accountability
  • Posting them on here, and sharing my blog with others, like my family and friends.
Step 4- Create a support network
  • I have joined the Orange Rhino group on Facebook.
  • I know that my husband, my mother, my family and my friends will support me 100%.
  • I will find a friend, who wants to change too, and will find support in together.
Step 5- Track your triggers
  • I am going to do this all weekend. I am going to write down every time I raise my voice to my children.
  • From my own knowledge, I know that my patience is the thinnest the days that I am tired. Those are the days when "I just want to sit here on the couch, and no doing anything".
  • My other time of patience is the thinnest- the days that I need to get things done. It seems to be the children knows that you have stuff you need to get done that day. And they chose for that day to want your attention the most.
  • Other moments are: when you have asked them to put that toy away 20 times, and it is still sitting out. Not only the toys, but when I say no to the cookie already, and they still persist on asking for it, again and again.
  • I will probably find some more things that triggers me. I will post my findings next week.
Step 6 Start practicing slowly.
  • I am going to be creative on this. The one thing that I have been doing, is shut my mouth, put my hand together, and yell in my head. I will continue this one for now.
  • On the website, I saw that she had said that she started by not yelling at the children, but yell away from the children. I think that might be a good thing to start doing too.
Step 7- Keep practicing
  • This is going to be an on going thing. I will need to find a way to remind myself to keep on track.
Step 8- Keep Goal top of mind
  • Yet again, this is where my support team will come in. I am going to post my goal around the house, to remind myself of it.
Step 9- Preserve when you yell
  • I am going to remind myself on the reason why I am doing this. For my Children!
  • I am going to apologize when I do yell, after I cool down!
Step 10- Celebrate when you succeed
  • I think this is going to be a in the moment reward. My first goal will be something small though. Once I hit my final goal, I think I am going to need a big reward, other then having a better relationship with my children.
Step 11- Stop Yelling, Start Thinking, Continue calmly!!!
  • It says it all. A new motto to go by. I will have to write that down too, and post it around the house.
Step 12- Remember that know that you are not alone.
  • After seeing the Facebook page, reading some of the people's blogs, and having that conversation with other mothers last night, I know that I am not alone. We are all not perfect, but we are sure trying our hardest to being.

Little about Me!!!

Hello. My name is Crystal. I am a mother of 4 children. I am a stay at home mother.

Ever since I was a child, I knew that I wanted to have children. I couldn't wait to grow up, meet my Prince Charming, and start a family. In high school, I met my husband, Billy. We started dating in 2000. He was the same as me, couldn't wait to have a family. We were talking about children right from day one. We became engaged in 2002, then finally said our "I Do's" in the spring of 2004. I was happy that I have found my Prince Charming.

Even though we both really wanted to have children, we decided to wait until we were better "financially stable" to start our family. It was not ideal to start a family while living in a one bedroom apartment, and both still in university and college. So we waited a couple of years.

When we weren't expecting it, but in 2006, we found out we were expecting. We were both happy. But unfortunately, we lost the baby at 13 weeks. We came to terms with it. My motto is: Things happens for a reason! It was just not time for us to have a baby. Shortly after I had my miscarriage, we purchased our first house. Shortly after that, I found out that I was expecting again.

In February 2007, we welcomed our first child, Izabella. Both my husband and I were ecstatic. We were finally parents. I thought myself to be a good mother. Only had to deal with one child, no need to "blow my top" on her for anything. Shortly after she turned one, we found out that we were expecting again.

In February 2009, we welcomed our second child, Alixandra. I was extremely happy to of had 2 girls. Growing up, I always said that I wanted to have 2 children, and to have 2 beautiful girls, was a blessing. It was harder after she came, to keep calm. After being use to sleeping through the night, then having to wake up every 2 hours with a new baby was hard. Plus to deal with a 2 year old all day, and a baby... I know that there is other mothers out there who understand. But I felt tired all the time. My tolerance for my children was starting to wear thin.

The time that my patience level went even lower, was when I was pregnant with my twins. I was tired; I was sick; I had to still deal with a 4 year old and 2 year old. It felt like a marathon just to walk from my couch to my kitchen. That's when "angry mom" really started.

In July 2011, we welcomed our third and fourth children, William and Claude. My husband was happy to of finally got his boys that he wanted. When I was younger, I always wanted to have twins. (I wanted to have 2 children. One boy, one girl.  Twins. Be pregnant only once, and have what I want. Reality is, life doesn't happen like you want it to be.) We had the perfect family, two beautiful girls, and 2 adorable boys. I was happy to be a mother of 4 children.

Life after having the boys was different. I was use to dealing with children at that point. But we were not use to being out numbered! My mom and sister came to help me out the first few weeks after they were born. But I had to learn to deal with these kids myself.

At first, the reasoning behind lost of patience, was the lack of sleep I had. Being a mother of 4 was harder then I thought. I also put a lot of expectations on my children too. I expected the older two to know what is expected of them. Know to stay in the yard! Know to touch or not touch! Know to follow mommy!. Looking back, I guess it was my fault to of expect so much out of them. After all, they were still children too. The boys, well they were just babies. Nothing was expected out of them, expect eat, sleep, poop.

Once my boys grew older, started sleeping through the night, walking on their own, eating on their own, I figured that I would regain some of my patience. But I haven't. I still get mad at all of my kids. I "loose my top" often. Why? Maybe I'm just so accustom to doing it, that I haven't changed. Maybe I have changed so much since my first child, that this is the new me. I do feel bad when I raise my voice to my children. I never got yelled at as a child, so why am I doing it to my children?

Last night, while at my daughters dance class, I was visiting with the other mothers. We started talking about our patience levels with our children. I admitted that I loose my patience often, and relate to yelling at them. To hear of other mothers in the same boat as me, it's comforting. I always know there is probably someone else in this world who is going through the same challenges as I am.

Last night, while laying in bed, I decided to check over Facebook to see what went on during the day. Someone posted a post about the Orange Rhino Challenge. I was intrigued, so I read it over. It was weird, because I was having the same conversation with mothers a few hours earlier. After looking over everything on the website, I reposted the post, and wrote "Had a conversation with some other moms tonight about loosing our cool with our children. I know I raise my voice a little too much. I'm going to do this challenge. Who's with me?" I still haven't found some companions to take this journey with. But I am determine to give it a go. 

This being the reasoning behind this blog. I am going to be using this as my journal with this challenge. I am going to write the good, the bad, and the ugly here.